(Enter Title Later)

I’ve been quite reflective these past few days. I guess it’s because I’ve been going through my old journal entries.

Actually… What started the whole thing was the fact that I was experiencing a bubbling of anxiety that I wanted to get rid of. The reason for this anxiety? In the next few weeks I will have to face a person who causes me great psychological discomfort. (I’m sure someone out there has that one person or few people who causes the same feeling). That feeling I’m talking about is a kind of rage. A kind of feeling that makes you wanna throw up, too. But mostly throw or break something. (Hmmm….where am I going?) Oh, the journal entries. How I wanted to get to the bottom of this anxiety was to determine what’s making me feel the way I feel about this person. So to the books I went.

I started marking pages in my journals that mentioned or had stories or incidents about this person. And lemme tell you, it took a long time to go through it all. It was painful. It felt like it happened yesterday. And there was a lot!

Just from seeing the tabs alone, I got a visual of how much this person negatively affected me and during what time of my life I was affected most. The writing, too, showed the emotion I was in during those times. And during those times, I had words to express but didn’t rightfully release them. So now, trapped in my books, remnants trapped in my psyche, an anxiety resulted.

I thought maybe I could do what Lucy did in 50 First Dates and go through the pages with this other person, rip them out and burn them that way I would forget any of that stuff happened. (Hmmm…as I wrote that, I’m thinking that might not be such a bad idea). We’ll see how it goes…

Anyway, the point is…I don’t wanna feel this way about this person and I do want to build a stronger relationship with this person. This person has Goodness. I know it. I’ve seen it. But I’ve also seen much more of the Not-so-Goodness. And I vividly remember it, too. That’s why, in my case right now, it would be easier for me to Forgive if I forgot.

To my Readers who’ve experienced something similar: What worked for you to repair and rebuild that relationship? Lemme know.

Suddenly looking forward to an Epic Bonfire with some nice cold Brews,

Jen πŸ™‚

Hello Again (For the Third Time?)

It’s been a long while since I’ve been here, a very long while.

It’s not that I’ve stopped writing. Oh, I’ve been writing. LOTS! I just haven’t been sharing or posting. The reason why? There’s many. The main one, though, is Fear. Fear for who I may offend (because it’s happened before). Fear for being vulnerable and having my words used against me (because that’s happened before). Fear of the Unknown (because I don’t have a clue who’s reading this and what they can do with this stuff).

FEAR. The Diving Board.

Today, I have decided to jump off it, again.

To my Readers, I thank you for your time. Please know the pieces following today is my own, my true self at the time it was written. I mean well. I come in Peace. And many times I go through many emotions (and you will read it in my writing), that you’d think this Lady’s going nuts (Lol! At times I think I am! Lol!). But know writing brings me Solitude. Writing brings me Balance. Writing is my Passion. Writing is my Therapy.

So Dear Reader, Dear Fellow SmileyFaceLifer, I hope as you journey with me, you find some sort of Light, learn something new, start a conversation, get confused (lol!), or whatever Good it may be. I also hope to maybe hear from you, read from you, or even see you one day!

With Love and πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ πŸ™‚ (and not a whole lot of ScaredyCatness, lol),

Jen πŸ™‚

Hello, Again…:)

Let me begin by letting you into a bit of my World, my Real-Life World, that is…

It’s been over a month since my last post here. It’s also been over a month since we’ve lost a dear friend…brother…leader, among many titles, in a tragic car accident.

I’ve never lost anyone so close, so on top of being Full-Time Mom (who’s still figuring this Mom-role out), being wife (which I wanna think I’m doing pretty well at, Hubby has to attest to it πŸ™‚ ), I am also mourning.

My situation my be considered “easy-peasy” by some of you, so please, be gentle with this Rookie :). For everyone else, here a couple passages From The Pages Of My Book. πŸ™‚

Sept. 8, 2014, 4:25 PM CDT

Dear God,

Why am I still hurting? Am I being too emotional?

Here I am…working on plans for the next three months. I look to my left and I see his drawing. I look to my right and I see where he used to sit. I look in front of me and I see the album he helped put together.

I’ve never lost anyone so close before. To be honest, I’m kinda scared to lose another one.

A part of me wants to pull away from people so I don’t get too close. So in the case that they do go, it won’t hurt so bad. This feeling really sucks. Wish I could somehow take this feeling out of my system.

What’s a lady to do? I know you teach Patience & I Trust in You. So this hardship, although its quite the tough one, is just another one of those Life situations that needed to come, that needed to be experienced, and I guess, needed to be learned from.

Nobody ever said this Life was gonna be an easy one, right? So…I am hopeful. I am thankful. I trust. I will be strong.

This newly-self-discovered-introvert will continue to do her best. πŸ™‚

Gonna ride the waves (should definitely try surfing),

Jen πŸ™‚

So Thankful for the Gift of Today. So Thankful for Life. πŸ™‚

A very good friend/brother had posted a picture of gifts he received that represented, as he felt, “best-looking people” :). One of those gifts was of a canvas painting of ChazB. Here is what I wrote in response to seeing this post:

Sept. 8, 2014, 11 PM CDT

When I see his name, when I hear his music, when I see his face, I cry. I still cry.

Wish I could react like the guys and bring some humour into it. But gosh, it’s hard. It still hurts.

You know…I open myself up to people. I am especially open to people who I can relate to, who I sense are good, and who I sense posses special gifts that I feel may benefit our World. I open my heart. I Love.

But when these people are taken away either by negativity (a break of trust) or permanently (by death), I hurt as much as I love. I feel pain as much as I feel joy.

Do I have to close myself? Do I have to close this heart? Do I have to…change?

I dunno…I just Trust that everything happens for a reason. This was all meant to happen. We feel and experience heartache to appreciate and cherish LOVE. It may not be what we envision it to be, but in time, it will all come together :).

Remain strong. Have Faith. Cherish the Good, Learn from the bad. Love as best as you can. It will all make sense, sometime. There is nothing that your Mind, Body, and Spirit cannot handle when all three are in line. You will get through this. And…when you do, you will be that much of a stronger, wiser, and better person.

Much Love & Continued Gratitude,

Jen πŸ™‚

I.O. second time you got me in tears with your posts. Thank you. I have to get the tears out somehow, I guess. πŸ™‚ Anyway, Happy Birthday again. See ya. πŸ™‚

To You, my Reader,

Thank you for sharing your time with me. I really appreciate it.

Until next time (hopefully, sooner than a month),

Love Always,

Jen πŸ™‚

Featured photo from AllPoster.

The North End, My Home :)

The North End. Jig-town. The Projects. The Ghetto.

There’s a lot of crime there. You’d get killed there. I don’t even know how people who live there get out alive. Don’t go there. They say.

Here’s what I say…

Some of the most humble people come out of the North End. The most hardworking. The most entertaining. The most creative and innovative. πŸ™‚ And some of the toughest come out of there.

For my fellow NE-ers, I hope that whatever good you are investing yourself in, may it be school, starting an organization, creating art, or going for your dream…Please continue. Stay focused.

How am I supposed to stay focused when we need money for rent? For food? For electricity? For water? How do I focus if my life’s just so crazy? You may ask.

Do what you need to do. Have faith. Educate yourself. Stay strong. Do Good. Be Good. Be patient. Love.

You will get to where ever you want to be. πŸ™‚

For all the NE Outsiders,
It isn’t all bad. We all have something to learn from each other, even from us.

Don’t lose hope on Good, People. There is Good everywhere and in everyone

Even in the North End.

Home. πŸ™‚

 

Love Always,

Jen πŸ™‚

PLEASE DON’T PUNCH THE RUNNER :)

PLEASE DON’T PUNCH THE RUNNER :)

Written 27 July 2014:

Almost got punched in the face this morning.

I was running down McPhillips and I noticed an older gentleman kinda turn and notice me. As I ran closer to him (from behind), I greeted him a Good Morning. Before I had finished the greeting, he had motioned for a block and punch, then laughed and stopped himself when, from what I’m guessing, he realized I had just greeted him, apologized, and ran on my way. Definitely a close call. πŸ™‚

So for all you People, I will continue to say, “Hi”, greet you strangers a “good morning”, and may be wish you a great day. Please don’t punch or hurt others, especially harmless, running mothers. πŸ™‚ There are still some good people our there. Count me as one. πŸ™‚

Jen πŸ™‚

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Feature Image from http://www.smithical.com

Taking Strides and Sharing Stories :)

Taking Strides and Sharing Stories :)

Saw this contest on FB and I thought, “Hmm…interesting…let’s give this a try? Wouldn’t hurt.”

Over the following weeks, with the “free” time I was able to get, here’s what I did.

Wrote a poem.

Seeking Truth. Remaining True. Following my Heart, listening to my soul, using my mind FOR GOOD. Creating & Sharing. And just being the reason someone smiles today! πŸ™‚

Wrote a story.

Once upon a time in a faraway Winter Wonderland called Manitoba, there lived a girl who loved to learn. She read books. She watched movies. Her most favorite, she listened to people.
She excelled in school. Often being the top of her class. Often the little girl sitting in the front. The one they called β€œMiss Goody Two-shoes,” the one they called β€œMiss SmartyPants,” and β€œLittle Miss Perfect.”

But they didn’t know she was far from perfection. Behind Miss Goody two-shoes, was someone whose parents barely afforded two shoes for Miss Two-Shoes and her siblings. Behind Miss SmartyPants were hand-me-downs from relatives. Little Miss Perfect was broken inside.

She endured a constant battle between what she felt was right and what her World said was right. She often questioned herself, doubted herself, told herself to be quiet. And quiet she remained.
Until she discovered the internet and social media (ie. 18 yrs later). It is there that she was able to show more of her inside and be able to be comfortable with her outside. The internet and social media allowed her to show her inner beauty. One that started from the ashes and is starting to grow into a Phoenix.

The bird she is becoming started from poverty, experienced welfare, has seen the detrimental effects of excessive alcohol and drugs, suffered and witnessed abuse, suffered the effects of bullying, broke under the pressures of society and family, and is now flying high and sprinkling the World with magic, with Love, with positivity, with hope, with smiles, with inspiration.

She now is married to her Prince Charming, guiding her little ones through this amazing thing we call Life, and has found Happiness. She has found SmileyFaceLife. πŸ™‚

Wrote out some captions.

Sprinkling my world, this world, our world with Love, Light, and SmileyFaces. πŸ™‚

Being the reason someone smiles today by sprinkling some magic on those who’s hearts and minds are open. πŸ™‚

Created a video.

Unfortunately, this video didn’t work out, so…I am not going to share that with you! πŸ™‚

Still I didn’t know what to put…

Then it dawned on me. You just did it. This is your submission for the Schick’s Strides and Stories Contest.

How are you making this World a better place?

By just being myself and being happy doing it. πŸ™‚

 

Love Always,

 

Jen πŸ™‚

 

Thoughts After The Born Day :)

Written 23 July ’14 at 5:55 PM CT

Wow. Overcome with emotions. Wanna thank God for Blessing me with all that I have, giving me more than I need, and continuing to guide my family, friends, and I to our destined paths! πŸ™‚ You are amazing. I am grateful.

I am also grateful for all the lovely, thoughtful, and kind greetings from yesterday and today! I am truly surrounded by some really, really, GOOD people. I only wish everyone the best! πŸ™‚

Hubby, thank you! I LOVE YOU! You are truly one-of-a-kind. Happy to call you my JC, my energy partner, my Best Friend, my Babe! πŸ™‚ Luv, Luv, Luv you!

Dad, Mom, Jes, Ja, Jerick, Mum, MK, & JR. My family. I often overlook the Great things you do for the girls, Hubby, and I. Please know, deep down I love each and every one of you dearly! I hope to repay you 10-fold for all the Good you’ve done for us! So thank you. πŸ™‚

This feeling is Awesome…all the times growing up when I would lay down to sleep (where ever it was, may it be on the couch, my bed, cousin’s top bunk, the floor of a relative’s house), I remember looking up and wondering, “when will it get better?” Today, I looked up and out the window as I sat eating my dinner, and I thought to myself, “Today…is the day it got better.” πŸ™‚ (Well, kinda, it’s been better for awhile, I was just overcome with emotion and open to this realization) πŸ™‚

So, Self, Family, Friends, and World, whatever you may be dealing with Today, Have Faith, Stay Strong, Love, and it will get better! πŸ™‚

 

Love Always,

Jen

 

Happy birthday, Unkel. πŸ™‚ Wishing you only Goodness! πŸ™‚